Lately I’ve been distracted. Caught up in a never ending loop of wave after wave of decisions that need to be made and things I never really thought about.
Keeping to my normal habits I of course procrastinate these things. I even procrastinate thinking about them because thinking about them will eventually lead to some form of action that I really don’t want to take.
Like driving. If I could snap my fingers and “boom” know how to drive, and have my license? YES PLEASE. The thought of having to get in a car with a random stranger and try to not kill them or myself or anyone else on the road for that matter whilst keeping cool, calm, and collected sounds like I’d rather not.
And of course there’s a million other things that are racing through my brain that are either much more trivial than driving or much more important and will leave much more of an impact than my ability to parallel park will.
I’ve always daydreamed about living somewhere new. About moving to a little town with cobbled streets and little shops and lovely people. Finding and decorating a small flat or something with or without a friend depending on how life works out. Maybe I could wear sweaters all the time and write about my adventures and feelings and explore and take far too many pictures.
I mean I’m halfway there in a sense. I write every now and then about whatever my brain has been thinking, and there really are about a bazillion shops here. I wear sweaters majority of the time because the weather is below negative for months at a time and I do my best to explore.
I don’t know what it is or why, but I truly hope I can go somewhere new again someday.
If you haven’t been able to tell yet I kind of wear converse with everything.
It’s funny how things as simple as t-shirts or shoes can boost your confidence isn’t it? I put my converse on and immediately I feel better about myself. I wear my favorite sweater and I feel so much more comfortable.
And we tend to judge each other on the way we dress ourselves. If someone’s wearing darker colors whether we know it or not we’ve already put some form of label on them. If a girl is wearing a dress and a full face of makeup with her hair curled we think of her one way. Or if you see a girl in a hoodie with a makeup free face we think of her another way. It’s weird how the way we present ourselves can make such an impact to even complete strangers.
I don’t understand.
I don’t understand why one day you’re laughing with someone and the next you don’t even make eye contact.
I don’t understand how certain songs can help me get through something more than talking to people can.
I don’t understand why one day you can tell someone anything and everything and one day you find yourself watching what you say around them.
I don’t understand the feeling you have when you get a goofy text in the middle of the day and you’re just so happy someone thought to even text you.
I don’t understand why mismatching socks make me so happy.
I don’t understand why things I see as black and white are seen as a muddle of neon colors to others.
I love the smell of raindrops on asphalt.
I love it when you’re laughing with someone and their eyes are squeezed shut and their smile is too wide and there’s just so much happiness.
I love it when that song comes on and you can’t help but pretend you know how to dance.
I love attempting to bake or cook with a friend. Concocting a soup or putting too many toppings on pancakes and laughing when you mess up.
I love longs hugs that just soak all of the bad and worries straight from your bones and replace it all with pure comfort.
I love fresh flowers, the way they smell, the vibrancy of their petals and how they can instantly brighten a room.
When I don’t understand things and life doesn’t make sense I think about the little moments that remind me of why we go through all the insanity and stress and negativity and confusion.
I think I’ve just accepted the fact that I’m going to have to embrace the bad days and the stressful oh so confusing moments. Because the good days are the things that make it all worth it.
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Good Morning//Afternoon//Evening and thank you for reading this mess of a post.
Until next time,